(...) it's time to see beyond the adornments and probe underneath the surface. Learn to recognize the masks people wear and the motives underlying them. Imagine that all the glitter is gone. Would you still desire the object or person?

- Wisdom of the Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid: All That Glitters - 

We are drifting somewhere between 2021 and 2022. Based on my own individual understanding, January is always some sort of 'transitional' state to be. We are not quite in the new, but not anymore in the past. What do I mean? According to the Gregorian Calendar, we enter the new year on the 1st January each year. However, this year the Chinese new year starts on the 3rd February 2022. So which one is the real new year? - you may ask yourself. Well...actually both are. I believe each year in between these periods we are 'stuck' in between the Sun and the Moon. It is simply because Gregorian is a Solar Calendar based the days it takes the Earth to revolve around the Sun, while the Chinese is a Lunisolar Calendar based astronomical observation of the Sun's longitude and the Moon's phases.

Let's face it, 2021 was a challenging year. The outcome was different for each and everyone of us, but it could have moved us out of our comfort zone. It was shifting you out of your old structures and belief system unapologetically. You may still feel the depths of lessons, you received. This is where the Moon affects us. According to Tarot, the Moon is symbolically responsible for our emotions, and fears. Everything that is deep within our emotional body. Most often than not, the Moon brings our deepest and darkest emotions to the surface.  
Meanwhile, the Sun is awakening and has started its preparations to welcome the new energies. It is already here with its new lessons and challenges. Our head might be still shaken from all the experiences we have been through in 2021, but the Sun is moving us forward and whispering us to look ahead. This is what it means to be in a 'transitional place'. Partially still in 2021, while partially already in 2022. 

So let's see briefly, what January has to tell us. In the past, you have received plenty of signs and messages to face reality. You may have been 'forced' to face yourself and the way you deceived your own reality. What seemed to be your home, turned out to be just an illusion of your mind. This was 2021 for many of us. In January, these energies have strengthened. If you missed your chance to confront the truth, January might be giving you further hardships to help you one last time before 2022 marches in with its 'All-or-Nothing' energy. 
If you have been considering to move on in any aspect of your life, this is your clue to do so. In January, you get the opportunity to realize where you have been lied to. The truth unveils and the deceptions are no longer affect you. There is something (or many) that seems all glittery from the outside, but rotten in the inside. Maybe you already know it, or maybe you are just about to face it. Whatever applies to you, know that all is well. Do not worry, how the situation unfolds. We are all individuals with different lifepaths. These unveiling might not be big things for some, while it might be lifechanging for others. It could also be that you are the one deceiving yourself by a bad habit of yours, you must leave behind. Take care!

Until next time, 
Betti

Used Oracle deck: 'All that glitters' from Wisdom of the Oracle by Colette Baron Reid

Photographed by Melinda Bálint from Vindart 

Ship's wheel: Staying on course 

It can be difficult to maintain your course in stormy waters, and requires holding the wheel steady. So it is in life also, when staying the course becomes important and you will need to be steady and calm simply to maintain your direction.

- Source: Symbolsage - 

This entire year was about 'change-adapt-overcome'. It was all about learning and gaining new skills. We were being tested on a multiple level such as our belief system, our determination, our dreams and desires, our behavioral patterns. By the end of the year, you might as well feel completely drained. You would be willing to do nearly anything just to stop the clock for a couple of hours, you may feel. There was a little bit of assertive energy with us in general all year around. You had not much time to rest, neither physically nor mentally or emotionally. The universe has sent your a millions of wake up calls. If you saw it, you got all the support to change. In case you missed the signs, do not worry. December is here to remind you of them all. 

In the last month of the year, we are being put on a trial. It always happens in December each year. We got back all years karmic lessons within a month. You will need a lot of focus, and plenty of trust in the universe, in your abilities. We got most of the answers throughout the year, so December is really some kind of 'repetition'. The universe is testing you, if you did the 'homework'. If not, there is no need to worry. There is going to be another year to learn all those you failed to do. If you paid attention and followed the instructions you got, you got rid of all of your assignments for this year.
'What do you mean by assignments?'- you may ask. Through one lifetime, our soul has a plan to work on different issues, different problems and difficulties. This is where your karma come to the picture. No, karma is not a bitch! Karma is actually neutral. It's not good and not bad. It is simply 'just' the consequences of our actions whether toward ourselves or someone else. So, you may want to review your deeds over 2021 (or perhaps even before). Our achievements are being scanned on 4 different levels: Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Spiritually. 

This process could bring back multiple tests whether or not we learned the lessons. Even if you overcame your obstacles, it may take another visit in a different form to see how sharp is your awareness. It is not easy, but you can seek the guidance from Archangel Michael, Archangel Melchizedek, Archangel Metatron, and Jesus. 
Keep your head up. Things are not as bad as it may seems for the first time. If you were working on yourself and your issues over the year, you have nothing to be afraid of. All you need is to trust yourself and your abilities, so you will recognize when and where you need to focus or still change for that matter. Know your worth and keep the balance. When you are treated unfairly, it is time to stand up for yourself. If you gave up on something too easily, it might come back to you as another opportunity this month. In case, you have been lying to yourself and been living a fantasy scenario, the universe might 'lift up the curtains' for you symbolically speaking. 

It has been a difficult year (again), but the power to change is always with us. Determination is a powerful tool to have, if you know how to use. While in some part of our lives we need to keep on going, in another we need to learn to let go. Balancing these two is challenging, but it is possible to learn.

Until next time:
 Betti

There could be an ocean filled with movies where the hero saves the day, the lady, the town, the world. Is there any in real life? Are they here listening?  When I think about whether I prefer heroes or villains, I have to admit I sympathize with villains. They are just more realistic, one could say humanlike. Of course, the destruction they cause is pretty terrible and it is not the road that anyone should take. Don't get me wrong, I like heroes and all. Most of us wanted to be one as a kid or maybe even today. Villains have something more to offer, a deeper message. In real life, we all experience some traumatic event that potentially could turn our life upside down. It could show us our dark aspect, that is more destructive. Instead of facing it, we usually run from it. We want to end it no matter what, so we start reaching out to the first substitute we can think of such as alcohol, gambling, drugs, or maybe something socially more acceptable like sugar, our partner and so on. It can be anything really. We tend to deceive ourselves everyday until it bursts out of us like a volcano. 

I don't believe in heroes and let me explain why. My problem is that people are waiting hopelessly for someone to save them. When you watch a movie, many of us fantasize about saving the day, the world. It does sound like a dream, but how does it work in real life? How do you call out a hero when you don't realize you need one or somewhere deeply inside you realize it but ignore the signs? Should we be our own heroes then? Are you ready to stand up from that chair and start making a difference? Are you ready to ask for help? 
Our idea of a Hero/Heroine is something too majestic. We think, we have to do something extraordinary to become one. We assume we need to sacrifice something we love or at least risk it all to be one. From my perspective, we don't need to think big. 

We tend to look for a role model anywhere but within. We wait until someone come and save us. Somebody who will do the hard work instead of us. Real life does not work this way. If you jump of a bridge, you could wait for Superman to fly by and catch you, but he ain't coming. 
Just because I don't believe in heroes, that doesn't mean I don't believe in help either. We get the help we need, but it may not change our lives as we hoped to if we are not willing to do anything about it. When you are feeling blue, people may come by and cheer you up. They might even lift you up from that dark place, but if you want to stay out of that pit and not falling back in, you have to do the dirty job and start working on yourself.
When I think about the term hero, I 'see' an aspect of us. What do I mean? I believe there is a hero/heroine in each and every one of us. We all have it. If you look for a saviour other than yourself, then you ignore all those amazing gifts you were born with. You don't have to save the entire planet, you know. You don't need big things to help. When you walk by a stranger just smile, or just be kind to that Cashier. Be empathetic, be kind, be genuine, be humble and caring. Show them some love by making someone's day a bit better. You can be your own idol, or maybe even someone else's. 

When you are having a bad day and scream at that stranger, you're not just venting your anger on them. You trigger a butterfly effect. That person might have a shitty day, and start taking out their anger on someone else, the next person might do likewise and so on. If you start practicing consciousness or just be more caring, more genuine you can end up having the opposite effect. You could generate a positive wave if you want to. Doesn't that sound so much better? Making someone's day better by saying something kind? Is it really that much of a big deal? Is it really that difficult to learn anger management and start using our empathy?

When you are complimenting a stranger, you may as well be the  very first person in their life who ever said something nice to them. You may leave a positive impact on their life. This is why we have to be cautious, because the same goes the other way around. When you're rude to someone, you can cause permanent damage in someone's life. By this you can cause a chain reaction that will lead to a series of disastrous events. 
In conclusion, we don't need to think big, if we want to be heroes. We can start by being genuine. We are in the flow whether we accept it or not. Therefore, it is very important how we treat each other. You can be your Hero if you please. All you have to do is start being kind and a little bit more caring. People say 'Change starts with the small things.' and how true is that. Pick up that trash you see flying around. Help those who seek it. Report that dysfunction when you see it. Clean up after yourself at home, so your partner, your parent, your family or your roommate don't have to. Who knows? Maybe they had a bad day too, and they could use a little bit of favour once in a while. In real life, all it takes is one single minute to save the day. 

Crain - Hope For The Journey Ahead

Crains are simple formations, used as landmarks to guide travellers along a path or to mark a sacred place. (...) They offer guidance for those wandering life's path. To stumble upon a crain is to know you aren't alone alone, that someone has traversed the same terrain you now find yourself on. 
- Source: Awaken -

As we passed through October, you may have experienced a little bit of confusion. You may have asked yourself: 

What should I do next?
Where does this journey take me? 
What should I choose? 
Where should I go? 

In the month of October generally, we were all effected by a powerful energy that pushed us into certain directions. This assertive force was meant to move us out of our comfort zone and realize in which part of our life we need to change direction. You may have found yourself making minor or major decisions. In the month of October, you may have experienced difficult situations that forced you to understand your need of transformation. 
Not making a choice is a decision as well. Regardless of your verdict on the situation, you had the opportunity to find your determination, a chance to do something differently. So, here we are in November. 
We are learning to walk on a new ground with seemingly no direction or whatsoever. Be aware of your false image of being alone. Your ego may play tricks on you to regret your choice and try to push back into your 'good-old' habits. If such thing happens, you need to remember why you wanted the change in the first place. 
This month your mind is at work. Stay present and be mindful of  your thoughts, as it is easy to tip off the road. If you have travel related plans, you may experience delays or some disruption as well. 
IF - and only if - you manage to keep your focus, you could regain your balance and continue your journey on this new terrain. It could give you back your long gone ( or so you believed ) hope. Progress may appear in certain aspects of your life. You may begin taking back your control and start navigating your life again. 

Remember that the job is not done yet. There is still a lot to do and to work on to be at where you wish to be. There might be further difficulties on the road, but the chance of success is there as well. All you need is to find a proper determination. 

Although, I'm a bit late. Here is the energy reading of week number 32. Let's see what we have here:
                                 • YIN • QUEEN OF COINS • TWO OF WANDS •
This week feminine energies are on the rise whether or not you have difficulties with connecting to your inner feminine energies. Every single one of us has feminine energies regardless of our gender or how we identify. Feminine energies are usually passive and gentle. It is connected to our intuition, our emotions and our connections  to it. This list is not even close covering what these energies truly represent. In this reading on the other hand, it wants us to let go of control for now. Let yourself be in the moment without wanting to control everything and everybody in your life. You've done so much and worked so hard (as previously shown in week 31 by XX.Judgement). Let others take the lead right now. This could be either physical, metaphysical or astral. 
You need to let yourself be in the moment and lay back a little. However, you need to learn how to connect with your emotions, your inner feminine, your divine self. So it is time to put your focus back to yourself and see what the Higher Realm has shown you last week. Last week some had the chance to see the darkness within, while others got a chance to enjoy their victories. 
This week the job continues by helping us to see where we are dominant and stubborn. We want to take control over all aspects of our lives. We believe if we can oversee everything, we must be able to determine and control what happens to us. Unfortunately, this is not the case. We will never have that much power nor will we able to predict it. What we need is a new approach. This is where our feminine energies come to the picture. It is time to invite them into our lives this week and let others take a lead for now. We need to learn how to LET GO OF CONTROL. 
This week is showing a lot of opportunities to choose from. Something new can come into your life. This can happen physically as well as emotionally. Maybe you got a long awaited job opportunity, a love letter, a confession. Maybe you will meet someone new. Maybe you will feel something you have never before or you have never thought you will feel it again. Maybe this week you finally realize something you couldn't wrap you head around lately.  All in all this week is all about femininity, letting others to lead and new opportunities. 

I have neither been an athletic type, nor was I good at sports. I have always been one of the slowest and worst in gym class. I know, I know … you must have heard this a million times, but bear with me please. I would like to grab the opportunity to state here and now, I am still not a Fitness Guru. I do not own a certification or have any education on proper training, so whatever I mention in this article it is based on my individual experiences and therefore, it might be different from yours. So…where was I?  Got it … that I have never really been interested in sports. I had my few tries, but never really evolved into anything. On the top of this, I am an over-thinker. As the years passed by it got worst, because I didn’t turn of my mind, therefore ‘the voices in my head’ got louder and louder. It sounds crazy, I know, but before you judge me or label me, relax…you have them too. At some point of my life, I felt I need to do something for my body. I need to start taking better care of it at some point, and it is better to start sooner than later. So there I was in January 2018, I have started running. I must admit, I was pretty terrible at it at first, but my goal was to get out and do it. Even if it is only for 10 minutes. I was cheating from time to time and skipped a couple of occasions in the beginning, but around half year in I had my turning point.

My turning point came when I truly understood why I should run. I was talking to my therapist and she suggested me to start running, because it helps to keep me in the present moment. Furthermore, it helps to ground my energy, which would otherwise float anywhere but where I need it the most. Here comes the over-thinking in the picture. Since I have a problem with it, my energies got out of hand. On a long term this can and will cause a lot of trouble. There and then, I understood that I need to run for my health and not just the physical, but the mental and emotional as well.

To me, this was the moment what made me understood why running and sports in general are amazing. This is where my view on doing sports has changed. Before I was judgmental, and I saw it as something that only people, who want to look good would do. Don’t get me wrong because there is nothing wrong with  someone wanting to look good and that is their motivation. When it comes to me, it isn’t motivating enough. As I have started running regularly and I have started to seriously keep myself to my schedule, I have realized that doing sports is so much more than I have thought before.

I felt better physically, mentally and emotionally. I had success from doing it regularly and keeping myself to my plan. Slow and steady, but I was showing some progress too. As months turned into years did I see how I could do more and more. So the weekly 2 occasion turned into 3, then the weekly 3 turned into every second day. When it comes to the length, 10 minutes turned into 15, later 15 minutes into 25 and now I am happy with my 30 minutes run that varies from time to time depending on the distance I feel up to at that time.
My goal was … actually it still is to build persistence and continuity. I wanted to create a lifestyle, because I dream about still running in my pensionist years. I’m running over 3 years now, and I have my ups and downs. It is hard to build endurance and keep going even if this is the last thing you want to do. I have to skip once in a while, but I keep getting back to my routine and keep on running. This is where I gain most of my confidence. Even if I need to skip some occasion or stop for some time, I just  get back to it.

The fact that I run regularly is also a big confidence rush, even though my performance fluctuate from time to time. Running regularly, and my success from it, has taught me that it can benefit me in the most unexpected ways. Building resistance helps me in my private life or when I face struggle. It provides me with the emotional and mental strength to cope with life when I have to.

After a while, maybe a year or a bit more, I stopped listening  to music while running, and I have started to stay present during my runs. I observe the things around me, I focus on my breath….basically I have started turning running into an active meditation. Throughout the years, I was getting better and better at it. I still have ways to go, but I can do a couple of minutes of meditation while running.

It is funny, who a disliked thing can turn into something great and a very much loved hobby. Somehow over the years, I have found spirituality in it. I realized how much I can benefit from running on all level (body, mind, soul). I have found my inner strength and my inspiration in running. I learned about the other aspects of sports, where it is not just to exhaust you but to evolve you as a human being. It teaches you dedication as well as how to stay present. It has so many valuable lessons. I wish I could have explained this to my younger self, who hated going to gym classes and disliked every minute of it. I wish I could show her the various ways she can benefit from it. Though, I wonder whether or not I would have listened to myself … Maybe I had to grow up to understand the concept.

There are many ways we love, but rarely recognize how different it is from the others because it comes so naturally. It is one thing to feel it and another to show it, but it is significant how we show it. There is no such thing as good and bad. Or is it? Is it possible that we communicate our language of love in unhealthy ways? I think it is. I do believe there are situations when someone cannot tell what is in their heart. They might think they show correctly their love because they know how they feel in their heart. However, others might fail to speak this language. We all should ask ourselves 'How do I love?'. It is important because we might scare away someone we truly love while keeping close someone else who is not as important. 
If this is true, then why do we contradict ourselves? Are we afraid to love? I do not know the answers to these questions. I am searching for them myself. Unfortunately, I cannot offer the solution either. This is a journey that everybody needs to take alone. I am on a constant journey to self-awareness myself, where I am seeking answers to my questions. This is how we become more mature and more of an adult. 
Knowing and understanding myself is essential. If I don't know who I am, then who will? If I don't know what and why I am doing, then it is very unlikely for someone else to know. Unless we talk to a professional therapist. But even in this case, you are the one who knows yourself the best. Since we need to decide whether or not is true or false the way others see us. So self-awareness in this context is the key to know which language of love we speak. Our language of love is the way we express our love to one or another. How do I love? Tenderly? Dominantly? Are you constructive or obstructive? Do you nurture or neglect? These are only a few examples from the many. So as you see there are many ways to love someone. Personally, I wonder. Why do we choose to love destructively or dominantly over tenderly? Why do we love the way we do? 
Many psychologists, therapists, psychotherapists are working on/with these issues providing their own responses. For example, Andrew Feldmár has many books and lectures about the topic of love among many others where he is offering thought-provoking answers to your questions. I highly recommend looking up his work, if you haven't done it already. 
It is a fact that we speak the language of love, we learned. The same method has been used from generation to generation in a family. But who will put an end to it? Who will stop and recognize if this method is wrong? 
Having the right self-awareness is not just necessary, but very useful. Knowing and recognizing when and how we are used and hurt, or the other way around. Understanding our needs, what is good for us, and what is not. It is much harder to love than we would think. 
Recognition is a great starting point to change. However, without action, it is worth nothing. Knowledge and self-awareness is a waste, if we do not take the necessary steps to change when the time has come. Knowledge on its own is not more than a bandage on a compound fracture. We know about the injury as much as how much it hurts. We understand why it happened, but the bandage on its own will not heal a serious wound. In order to address the issue, we need professional help and the necessary treatment. In other words, self-awareness without action is merely patting ourselves on the back. If we don't change, knowledge is only a tool for excuses. Then, we can say 'This is who I am.', 'I'm like this, because of...', 'Yeah, but you know me...'. 
To sum up, to love and to be loved can be complicated. You need the courage to ask how you love someone. How do you love your partner, family, friends? How do you love yourself? However, it is not enough to ask only. You need tho put things in action and change when it is time. When it comes to me, I merely ask for now. When I found my answers, I change. And you? Are you dare to change? 

Sokan sokféleképpen szeretünk és gyakran észre sem vesszük, hogy miben más a másikétól, mert annyira természetes számunkra. Egy dolog valamit érezni és másik azt kimutatni, de azt se mindegy hogyan mutatjuk ki. Elvileg nincs olyan, hogy jó és rossz. Vagy mégis? Létezik olyan, hogy rosszul kommunikáljuk a szeretetünket? Szerintem igen. Igen is létezik az a helyzet, hogy amikor valaki nem tudja lekommunikálni azt ami a lelkében van. Azt hiszi a cselekedeteivel szeret, mert ő belül tudja, hogy ez így van bár a másik fél mit sem érez ebből az egészből. 
Fel kellene tennie mindenkinek magának azt a kérdést, hogy 'Hogyan szeretek?'. Fontos, mert lehet elüldözünk valakit magunk mellől, akit valójában szívből szeretünk és közel engedünk olyanokat, akik valójában nem annyira fontosak. 
Ha ez igaz, akkor miért működünk néha ellentétesen? Talán félünk szeretni? Nem ismerem a válaszokat azaz magam is keresem a saját válaszaimat. Nem tudok kész választ és megoldást tálcán kínálni a kérdésekre. Ezekre mindenkinek magának kell felelnie, amennyiben talál benne igazságot. Én az önismeret útját járom azt, ahol szeretném tudni a választ a bennem felmerülő kérdésekre. Ettől leszünk többek és érettebbek. Talán kicsit felnőttebbek. Tudni és érteni önmagam müködését, mert ha én nem ismerem akkor senki más sem fogja. Ha én nem tudom mi zajlik le bennem, akkor elég kevés az esély rá, hogy majd más megfogja tudni mondani. Talán akkor, ha az illető szakképzett terapeuta, sokat tapasztalt szakember. De ezekben az esetekben is fennáll bennem a feltevés, hogy csak mi ismerhetjük önmagunkat igazán. Nekünk kell eldönteni, hogy amit mások mondanak nekünk önmagunkról az igaz-e vagy sem. 
Szóval fontos az önismeret és ebben a gondolatmenetben elengedhetetlen, hogy felismerjük nekünk milyen a szeretet nyelvünk. A szeretet nyelv az az, ahogyan a bennünk lévő szeretetet lekommunikáljuk azoknak akiket szeretünk. Hogyan szeretek? Gyengéden? Netán fojtogatóan? Konstruktívan vagy destruktívan? Táplálóan vagy szegényesen? Ez csak néhány példa a sok millióból, mert mint ahogy látszik nagyon nagyon sok féleképpen szerethetünk. Személy szerint bennem felmerül a kérdés, hogyha destruktívan vagy fojtogatóan szeretünk, akkor miért ezt választjuk? Miért így szeretünk valakit, ha gyengéden is szerethetnénk? Szóval miért úgy szeretünk ahogy?
Számos pszichológus, terapeuta, pszichoterapeuta foglalkozik ezekkel a kérdésekkel érdekesebbnél érdekesebb válaszokat adva. Például Feldmár András számos könyve és előadása foglalkozik a szeretet témakörével jobbnál jobb gondolatokat nyújtva azoknak, akik nyitottak rá. Szívből ajánlom az ő írásait inspirációnak azoknak, akik szeretnének válaszokat találni a saját kérdéseikre többek közt a szeretettel kapcsolatban is. 
Tény és való, hogy mindannyian úgy szeretünk, ahogy azt megtanultuk. Generációról generációra átpasszolva sokszor ugyanazokat a mintákat. De ki fogja azt mondani, hogy elég volt? Ki fogja felismerni azt, ha hiba esett a gépezetbe?
Öntudatosnak lenni fontos és hasznos. Tudni és látni azt, hogy hol és mikor használnak ki vagy bántanak bennünket vagy éppen fordítva. Felismerni azt, hogy mi jó nekünk és mi nem. Sokkal nehezebb és bonyolultabb szeretni mint, ahogy azt hinnénk. A felismerés egy remek kiinduló alap a váloztatáshoz, bár tettvágy nélkül mit sem ér az egész. Mit sem ér a tudás és az önismeret, ha nem állunk készen változtatni azon amin kell, akkor amikor eljött volna rá az ideje. A tudás önmagában olyan mintha sebtapaszt raknánk egy nyílt törésre. Tudunk a sebről és tudjuk, hogy fáj. Azt is értjük miért történt, de ez önmagában még nem gyógyítja be a komolyabb sérüléseket. Ahhoz, hogy meg is gyógyuljon elengedhetetlen a segítsékg és a megfelelő kezelés (ebben a példában az operáció). Más szavakkal illetve a témát tettrekészség nélkül az önismeret olyan, mintha vállon veregetnénk magunkat. Ha nem változtatunk, akkor a tudás csak a kifogások gyártására lesz elég. Arra, hogy azt mondogassuk, hogy 'Én ilyen vagyok.' , 'Azért vagyok ilyen, mert ...', 'Jó, dehát ismersz ...'. 
Tehát szeretni és szeretve lenni bonyolult. Bátornak kell lenni ahhoz hogy feltegyük a kérdést én hogyan szeretlek téged? Hogyan szeretek másokat? Hogyan szeretem magamat? Viszont nem elég kérdezni. Érdemes cselekedni és változtatni ott és akkor, amikor annak eljött az ideje. Én most egyelőre csak kérdezek. Majd, ha megérkezik a válasz is, akkor változtatok. És te? Mersz változtatni? 

Time flies and the years quickly go by. It's a bit cliché to say this, I know, as everyone goes through the same experience. Still, it's good to stop from time to time and think about the years behind us. All the things are worthy to remember, the good, the bad, our past. 
At the beginning of my 20s, I did not care about time and aging. I felt the one in charge as if the time had stopped and I was forever in the moment. I felt I was about to be forever in my 20s. It felt long and everlasting in a positive way. However, when I turned to 25 things has started to shift in me, and here I am today, being 29 while wondering where time has gone so fast. Time has definitely set an alarm in me, a wake-up call some might say, to let me know my 20s are soon to be over, as well as the end of an era. 
Time is relative and we should nurture the child within us, yet I feel that my naive, careless, and immature years are over. Of course, this hasn't happened overnight because I'm getting closer to 30. It's a process, a journey we all take place until a point where we realize that we are not who we once were. 
Though, there is no time or age limit. The number 30 brings us new energies that we can hardly deny. If age is indeed just a number, then why do we get scared when we reach another 'x'?
Perhaps age is not just age. It is what we associate with it aka emotions, expectations, etc. Where there is a new era, there is an ending of another one as well. When something new begins, we need to deal with the past one. Let it behind us. We need some time to grief so to speak, no matter what's passing away. "I know death, it's got many faces," says Arya Stark from Game of Thrones and how right she is. It is in everything and everywhere. It is in every breath we take and every passing moment. Nothing repeats itself, not even if it seems like. 
My 20s means more than just a couple of numbers, it reflects my memories, lightheartedness, friends, parties, summers, winters, laughs. By saying farewell to my 20s, I feel the urge to say goodbye to these memories as well. I know that my life hasn't ended and there are many more joyful decades to come. It's neither because I feel old, nor because I feel like I'm retired. It's all about growing up. 
I have sensed, seen, and experienced it in my philosophy among many other things. I'm handling my life alone without my parents' help. I'm no longer under my parents' supporting wings. After a certain point in our life, we are responsible not just for ourselves, but for others as well. This is a bit controversial as we have always had responsibility both for ourselves and others. So how and why is it different to take responsibility as an adult from a teenager or a young adult? 
The answer is in our consciousness. It is normal to expect adults to know what and why they are doing it. We spend our 20s or our younger years with getting to know ourselves. 'Who are we?' Where are we going?' 'What do we want to do with our lives?' It is not a crazy idea wanting to get a ready answer to these questions from someone in their 30s. Most of us spend our younger years searching for responses to these questions. I think this is how it differs our liability as independent adults from young adults, but still dependent on parents' support.
This is also just an ideal scenario based on the standards of modern society in the 21st century. We all live our lives differently based on our personal values. Therefore, I emphasize the younger and the adult years separately. Personally, I connect my younger years to my 20s. Although, there are some cases, where a number is indeed just a number. Just like a so-called adult in its 40s who is still living with its parents while being completely dependent on their approval. How many people are living still like this? How many so-called adults are there in our society who incapable of taking responsibility not only for others but for themselves as well? 
However, this article is not about them. It's merely a collection of my memories. I dedicated it to my last 10 years, and to show my gratitude towards my family, my friends, but mostly to myself. At the age of 29, in my last 20s, I assemble every blessing I have received in these years. I pause a little to say thank you because I need this. I need to say farewell to all the worthy memories, so I can welcome a new era in my life with gratitude and excitement. It is good to stop for a moment and think about our actions so far. Where are we and what we are heading to? Am I really where I would like to be? 

Az idő pereg és az évek gyorsan eltelnek. Óriási klisé ezt hallani, mert ezen mindenki keresztül megy. Mégis olykor jó meg megállni és elgondolkodni a mögöttünk álló évekről. Méltóan megemlékezni róluk. Visszanézni a jóra, a rosszra és az elmúlt időkre. 
A 20as éveim kezdetén még nem foglakoztam az idővel, az öregedéssel. Akkor úgy éreztem, mintha megállt volna az idő és én lennék az ura a helyzetnek. Ám valahol 25 felett elkezdett megváltozni a szemléletem és lám itt vagyok 29 évesen elmélkedve, hogy hová tünt az idő. Az idő, ami kétségtelenül felhúzta az ébresztő órám jelezve, hogy nem csak a 20as éveimnek, de egy időszaknak a végét is jelezze. 
Bár tudom az idő relatív és a lelkünkben élő gyermeket őrizni, éltetni és szeretni kell, valahol mégis érzem, hogy a gondatlan, tapasztalatlan és kissé naív fiatalságnak valahol vége. Természetesen ez nem hirtelen egyik napról a másikra történik, mert a 30hoz közeledem. Ez egy folyamat, egy út, melyet az évek során jár be az ember és egy ponton ráébred, hogy már nem az aki volt. Ez nincs időhöz vagy számhoz kötve és mégis az a bizonyos harmadik x olyan energiákat hoz magával, amit már nehéz letagadnunk. 
Ha a kor nem számít és a szám az valóban csak egy szám, akkor miért ijedünk meg mégis amikor egy újabb 'x'-hez érkezünk?
Az én szubjektív véleményem az az, hogy talán a kor mégsem pusztán egy kor. A kor az, amit hozzácsatolunk, más szóval érzések, elvárások, stb. Egy újabb évtizedben pedig ott a vég is. Amikor egy új kezdődik, az azt is jelenti, hogy le kell hozzá zárnunk a régit. Meg kell gyászolni azt, ami elmúlt független attól, hogy milyen elmúlásról beszélünk. Az elmúlással és a halállal nagyon sok féleképpen találkozhatunk. Ott van mindenhol és mindenben. Ott van minden egyes lélegzetvételünkben és minden egyes pillanatban. Semmi sem ismétlődik meg kétszer ugyanúgy, még akkor sem, ha kísértetiesen hasonlít egy már megtörtént eseményre. 
A huszas éveim nekem többet jelentenek, mint puszta számok, az emlékeimet jelentik, némi gondtalanságot, barátokat, bulikat, a nyarakat, a teleket, a nevetéseket, a bolondozásokat. A 20as éveim végével úgy érzem, hogy valahol ezektől az emlékektől is el kell búcsúznom. Nem ér véget az élet és még több évtizednyi öröm és boldogság vár rám. Nem akarok úgy tenni, mint aki nyugdíjba vonul vagy, aki öregnek érzi magát. Nem erről van szó. Arról van szó, hogy érzem felnőttem. Éreztem már az elmúlt években, láttam és érzékeltem az életszemléletemen is. Egyedül járom és intézem utam. Már nem a szülők gondviselése alatt bontogatom a szárnyaim, hanem egyedül. Egy ponton túl már nem csak magunkért vagyunk felelősek, hanem a körülöttünk élőkért is, ami megint csak ellentmondásos tényező, hiszen előtte is felelősséggel tartoztunk mind magunkra és másokra nézve. Akkor mégis miben más az a felelősség, amivel felnőttként nézünk szembe, mint az a felelősség, amit fiatalként élünk át? 
Talán a válasz a tudatosságban relik. Felnőttként joggal várják el tőlünk, hogy tudjuk mit és miért teszünk. A 20as éveink vagy mondjuk inkább a fiatal éveinkben önmagunk megismeréséről is szól. Arról, hogy kik vagyunk és mi zajlik bennünk. 
Ideális esetben nem őrültség elvárni egy 30as éveiben járó embertől, hogy tudjon felelni azokra a kérdésekre, hogy 'Ki vagy te?', 'Mit vársz az életedtől?' és 'Mit szeretnél beteljesíteni az életedben?'. Sokunk töltjük ezzel a fiatalabb éveinket, ezekre válaszokat keresve. Azt hiszem ez az, amiben más a felelősségvállalás kérdése egy önálló felnőtt életében, mint egy fiataléban aki még nem teljesen függetlenedett a szülői háztól. 
Persze ez is csak egy ideális eset a 21. század modern társadalmára építve. Mindenki máshogy éli az életét és más értékek szerint építi fel azt. Pont ezért hangsúlyozom a fiatalság és a felnőttség kérdését külön, bár én személy szerint hozzácsatolom a fiatalságom a 20as éveimhez de tudom, hogy ez nem minden esetben van így. Léteznek esetek, amikor a szám valóban csak egy szám. Ilyen az, amikor egy 40es éveiben járó, úgymond felnőtt, továbbra is függ a szülei jóváhagyásától. Mennyien vannak még így? Mennyien élik az életüket a felnőtt bélyeg alatt, miközben nemhogy másokért ,de önmagukért felelősséget vállalni sem tudnak. 
De ez az írás mégsem erről szól most. Ez az írás emlékeim gyüjteménye. Egy köszönő levél az elmúlt 10 évnek, köszönet másoknak, a családomnak, a barátoknak, de legfőképpen magamnak. Így 29 évesen, az utolsó 20as évemben összegyüjtöm azt, amit ezeknek az éveknek köszönhettem. Egy kicsit most megállok és hálát adok, mert szükségem van rá. Szükségem van egy méltó búcsúra, azért, hogy örömmel és szeretettel fogadjam be a következő évtizedet. Azért, hogy ne félelemmel induljak el rajta, hanem izgatottan tervekkel tele. Jó néha megállni és számotvetni önmagunkkal. Hol vagyunk és merre tartunk? Valóban ott vagyunk, ahol lenni szeretnénk?