Szavakkal a lélekért


The last of my 20s

2020. május 07. - Balberie


Time flies and the years quickly go by. It's a bit cliché to say this, I know, as everyone goes through the same experience. Still, it's good to stop from time to time and think about the years behind us. All the things are worthy to remember, the good, the bad, our past. 
At the beginning of my 20s, I did not care about time and aging. I felt the one in charge as if the time had stopped and I was forever in the moment. I felt I was about to be forever in my 20s. It felt long and everlasting in a positive way. However, when I turned to 25 things has started to shift in me, and here I am today, being 29 while wondering where time has gone so fast. Time has definitely set an alarm in me, a wake-up call some might say, to let me know my 20s are soon to be over, as well as the end of an era. 
Time is relative and we should nurture the child within us, yet I feel that my naive, careless, and immature years are over. Of course, this hasn't happened overnight because I'm getting closer to 30. It's a process, a journey we all take place until a point where we realize that we are not who we once were. 
Though, there is no time or age limit. The number 30 brings us new energies that we can hardly deny. If age is indeed just a number, then why do we get scared when we reach another 'x'?
Perhaps age is not just age. It is what we associate with it aka emotions, expectations, etc. Where there is a new era, there is an ending of another one as well. When something new begins, we need to deal with the past one. Let it behind us. We need some time to grief so to speak, no matter what's passing away. "I know death, it's got many faces," says Arya Stark from Game of Thrones and how right she is. It is in everything and everywhere. It is in every breath we take and every passing moment. Nothing repeats itself, not even if it seems like. 
My 20s means more than just a couple of numbers, 
it reflects my memories, lightheartedness, friends, parties, summers, winters, laughs. By saying farewell to my 20s, I feel the urge to say goodbye to these memories as well. I know that my life hasn't ended and there are many more joyful decades to come. It's neither because I feel old, nor because I feel like I'm retired. It's all about growing up. 
I have sensed, seen, and experienced it in my philosophy among many other things. I'm handling my life alone without my parents' help. I'm no longer under my parents' supporting wings. After a certain point in our life, we are responsible not just for ourselves, but for others as well. This is a bit controversial as we have always had responsibility both for ourselves and others. So how and why is it different to take responsibility as an adult from a teenager or a young adult? 
The answer is in our consciousness. It is normal to expect adults to know what and why they are doing it. We spend our 20s or our younger years with getting to know ourselves. 'Who are we?' Where are we going?' 'What do we want to do with our lives?' It is not a crazy idea wanting to get a ready answer to these questions from someone in their 30s. Most of us spend our younger years searching for responses to these questions. I think this is how it differs our liability as independent adults from young adults, but still dependent on parents' support.
This is also just an ideal scenario based on the standards of modern society in the 21st century. We all live our lives differently based on our personal values. Therefore, I emphasize the younger and the adult years separately. Personally, I connect my younger years to my 20s. Although, there are some cases, where a number is indeed just a number. Just like a so-called adult in its 40s who is still living with its parents while being completely dependent on their approval. How many people are living still like this? How many so-called adults are there in our society who incapable of taking responsibility not only for others but for themselves as well? 
However, this article is not about them. It's merely a collection of my memories. I dedicated it to my last 10 years, and to show my gratitude towards my family, my friends, but mostly to myself. At the age of 29, in my last 20s, I assemble every blessing I have received in these years. I pause a little to say thank you because I need this. I need to say farewell to all the worthy memories, so I can welcome a new era in my life with gratitude and excitement. It is good to stop for a moment and think about our actions so far. Where are we and what we are heading to? Am I really where I would like to be?